What's Stopping You?

What’s stopping you from telling your story?

Telling your life story can be healing, so what are the main reasons that stop you from sharing it?

Fear

Sometimes it’s just not worth digging up the past. Certain traumas or past events are just too upsetting to process. The idea of telling your story seems daunting, frightening. You might be afraid of what others might think of you if you talk about this. 

You have the right to not deal with it if you don’t want to. No one can tell you what is right for you. But consider this:  It takes great courage to tell one’s truth. And facing your past can be healing and help you grow. You deserve it. Remember that you were resilient and survived what you went through, which means you already have what it takes to tell your story.

You didn’t do anything wrong, and by remaining silent you’re sending the message to yourself and others that what happened was okay or your fault. Time to tell your side of things. Terrible and mean things happen in this world because people are afraid to speak up. It can be cathartic and be a relief to finally just release it and talk about what happened. Plus, it takes a lot of energy to keep it hidden and the burden of that just isn’t worth it. It’s more important to just be honest about who you are. It can be freeing to release the weight of carrying it around. Take ownership of it and just be honest about who you are. It wasn’t your fault anyway. You’re okay just the way you are. 

You’ve spent a lifetime pretending that you’re okay. The idea of being honest with yourself, let alone to others, can be frightening. You fear feeling exposed, vulnerable, open to criticism or blame by mean individuals who know nothing about you and what you’ve been through. 

You might’ve thought that maybe your story didn’t have anything to offer or that it wasn’t important. Maybe no one would care. 

Just the opposite is true, but most people don’t realize just how significant their stories are and how others can benefit from hearing a story that is like their own story. It makes people feel understood and not alone. It’s also important to hear stories that are different from your own, because it builds understanding and tolerance between people. So sharing stories is community building. It builds rapport and comradery. In a world where there is so much loneliness and isolation, just what is needed are stories. It brings people together. Encourages mutual understanding and motivation to help others. So what else is stopping you?

I don’t want people to get hurt or mad at me:

Do you care too much about what other people think of you? Are you afraid to offend anyone? If that’s the case, you’re not truly free. You’re living in a cage of your own making. 

Tell your truth. It takes the shame and secrecy away from what happened, so you can be bold and free. Tell your truth, instead of letting others define your story. You know what really happened. You have the courage within you to set the record straight about what it was like for you. If you’re able to do that, it is the ultimate act of courage. It’s you--owning yourself, freeing yourself from the burden of what others think. And when you do that, you invite others to do the same. 

There are ways to protect the identities of those who wronged you, in the way that you tell your story,  however, remember that by telling your story, you’re giving the person(s) who hurt you an opportunity to comes to terms with their behavior and what they did to someone--you, and you’re making it less possible for them to do it again and hurt others. 

People may have many reasons for not wanting to talk about past hardships. We fear recrimination. What if your family becomes upset that you are sharing something private with others? It can be common for families to have an implicit code of silence. It can seem daunting, wrong even, to break it.

Our natural human tendency, especially if there is something difficult to talk about, is to avoid it! Skip it! Do not talk about the hard or challenging times. Do not rehash the past. Let bygones be bygones. Move on! 

Many people want to downplay the impact their past has had on them. It is natural. People do not want to take on a label because it is embarrassing or because they think, "Others have had it worse, who am I to complain? 

I am a narrative therapist who believes in the healing power of story in our lives. Would you like to set up a free consult to discuss what’s stopping you from sharing your story or how it’s impacting your life?